Are you emotionally intelligent?

Some people believe that a child with high intellectual intelligence (IQ) will go on and have a successful life. In school, you are constantly being tested and ranked according to how well you do.  To get a good job when you are older you need to do well in your exams.  The question is, how successful are people with an excellent educational background? 

Research suggests that a person's emotional intelligence might be a greater predictor of success than his or her IQ. IQ only accounts for about 20% of our success and we need to have emotional skills to use our IQ wisely.  Good emotional skills include:

·         being able to control impulses

·         Knowing that you can’t always have what you want immediately

·         being able to think up ideas and put them into action (motivate yourself)

·         understanding other people's feelings

·         coping with life's ups and downs. 

It has been found that children with poor emotional skills struggle to make friends, have poor attention in class and have feelings of frustration.  This leads them to be hot tempered and be the class bully.    This is why schools are being told to make sure that their pupils are taught to be emotionally resilient (able to cope with hardships and unexpected difficulties) as well as aiming for good grades in class.

Here are some ways you can help yourself, and your friends, become positive and confident.

Positive Thinking

A positive mental attitude is one of the key aids for success.  It enables us to do everything better than negative thinking does.  Negative thoughts affect our feelings and as a result we become sad, depressed and have low self esteem.  Think about having studied hard, and then not being able to remember anything during a test.  What may have happened is that before you went in to take the test you thought ‘I’m sure I won’t remember all that stuff I’ve studied’.  By thinking like this, you are telling your mind that you WILL forget and our minds do follow our instructions.   You are more likely to succeed in your tests by preparing for them properly, then telling yourself that you have worked hard and you are going to do well.  It’s called having a positive mindset.

Positive affirmations

Key to a positive mindset is positive affirmations.  This means stating a future desire as if it is already achieved.  For example, say you are shy in the company of people, and you want to change this situation.  What you can do is to write down on a piece of paper that you are very confident and talk easily to people.  You can repeat your affirmations several times and at the same time try to imagine you ARE talking to people confidently and without fear.  If you keep repeating this consistently, there will be a change in your mindset and you will soon start to feel more confident.  However this all depends on how much time, focus and feelings you put in repeating the affirmations.  Repeating positive affirmations for a few minutes, and then thinking negatively the rest of the day, will not work.

Self-esteem

If you have good emotional skills, you are more likely to have a healthy self-esteem – that is, you are more likely to think about yourself in a positive way.  This includes:

·         feeling happy

·         feeling confident and secure that you fit in

·         making friends easily

·         playing easily within a group and by yourself

·         being able to ask for help if unable to do something, without the fear that others will laugh

We nearly all know someone with a low self-esteem.  They often feel unloved and constantly compare themselves to others in a negative way. They tend to put themselves down, and say things such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’, or ‘no one will want to play with me.’  These are called negative affirmations and you know what happens with negative affirmations.  If you catch yourself saying things like this, perhaps you have low self-esteem and need to learn to love and respect yourself for what you are by practising positive affirmations.  If it’s someone you know, try giving them praise and encouragement to help them think better about themselves and assist them, to develop a positive self-esteem.

Limiting beliefs

Part of low self-esteem comes from having beliefs that it is impossible for you to achieve certain things.  People with these limiting beliefs often say things like ’I won’t be able to do that.’ Or ‘this is too difficult for me.’  Such damaging beliefs are often created in early childhood and can be overcome by using positive statements such as ‘I can do this’.  For example, instead of saying ‘I can’t do this’,  saying positive affirmations repeatedly such as ‘This is easy, I can easily do it’ will not only make the impossible look possible, but it will build up your confidence as well. 

Gratitude

Gratitude is an attitude of appreciation.  Being grateful means being thankful to everyone who has done even one act of kindness to you, say your parents, family or your teacher etc.  We also need to be thankful for all the good things in our life, such as our home, games, computer etc.  People are more likely to help/give us more if we are grateful to them, rather than not. Being grateful makes a person more positive and less stressed and is the basis for success.

Relaxation and meditation

A variety of extra-curricular activities and sports can often mean that after homework or dinner is finished, few of you will have time to really catch your breath before it’s time to go to bed.  Such a hectic schedule can make it difficult to think through problems or attack areas of negativity. Relaxation and meditation can actually help create a sense of motivation and well-being.  A simple meditation technique is to sit down comfortably, close both eyes and breathe some deep breaths. Such relaxation can actually calm down when feeling overwhelmed, angry or nervous. Try it, you’ll be surprised of the result!

It is said that while IQ ensures your success in school, emotional intelligence ensures your success in life. Practising positive thinking, being aware of when you are feeling negative and correcting that by repeating positive affirmations will help you and your friends to grow into happy, healthy and positive adults.

By Santa Simothy, Co-founder of Kidz4Mation (www.kidz4mation.com)

Kidz4Mation helps parents of primary aged children develop winning habits in their children. Picture books covering the six themes mentioned in the article are available from our website.