A child’s aggressive or bad behaviour can sometimes make it difficult for parents/carers to manage in a positive manner. We try hard to keep our anger in control but we are human beings, we make mistakes and sometimes we run out of patience! Here are a few things that might help us cope positively with a child being difficult…

·         As soon as you think your child’s behaviour is beginning to get aggressive, why not divert them into an interesting or positive activity.

·         It might help if we make simple house rules of what is acceptable and what isn’t! We should then discuss these rules with our children so they are clear as to what is acceptable and what isn’t. Maintaining this line consistently will let your child know you and the rules are serious.

·          If a rule is broken, we can discipline them with using a time out for the number of minutes of their age or keep them away from the toy they like playing with for a period of time. The point is for them to see that their unacceptable behaviour has unpleasant consequences for them.

·         Children are very good observers and quick learners. They mirror their parents’ behaviour, so if you fail to control your temper your child is likely to copy you. They will learn to lose temper when something is not acceptable. So without getting angry we should apply the above time out method and give time to ourselves to calm down.

·         We should also not hit or smack our child as research has shown that this does not help our child, but might do more damage.

·         If for any reason we feel very angry, we should just leave the room and cool off. We should never stay in the same room as our children when we cannot control our emotions. May it be our tears or our anger! Our emotions may also play a very important role in our children’s development.

·         As adults we may feel stressed or restless for several reasons and so may our children. But if we know a way to calm ourselves down, then why not practice that with our children! Meditation is a proven method to keep one calm and in control of emotions. We can practice it with our children for 5 minutes every day! At times it is difficult to fulfil a child’s ever-growing demands with the challenges of work and other commitments, but if we can spare a few minutes of our time for the calmness of their minds, it could well benefit their development and teach them a life skill for the long term.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. ~ Carin Hartness

If a five year old child says ‘I want to become a doctor’, don’t laugh it off or don’t discourage them by saying, “you can’t become a doctor, no one in your family has been one!” or by saying “you’re too small to make that decision!” In other words, the one thing as parents/carers we can unconsciously do is talk our child out of their dream/passion by simply using negative words instead of positive ones and this might not be right. According to behavioural scientists, it has been observed that a child for every praise or positive appreciation, they receive 10 negatives or no’s, this may be just to protect a child but our subconscious mind does not know what is right or wrong and what is true or false. It accepts everything we say.

Let’s do a simple exercise. Please close your eyes and don’t think of a colour blue.  Now we know which colour comes in our minds!

With our children we never know what goes on in their minds and what has inspired them to say such thing. It could be a dream they had which inspired them to say that or a conversation with a friend. Whatever the stimulus, a child’s dream should not be ridiculed or laughed off. So many, if not all, things start as dreams and we believe dreams can have tremendous power if harnessed and nurtured. So why not encourage children to dream by making a ‘dream board’ with them. On a board, stick a picture that represents their dream and then stick/hang the board in your child’s room and ask them to add different drawings and cuttings to it that they associate with it. Their dream can be of a toy, a holiday or anything they want that you are reasonably happy with! By seeing images of their dreams every day in front of them, they think more about it. The world of personal development tells us that what we focus on is what we tend to get, also that the mind begins miraculously to work on means of realising our dreams if we get emotional about them. So this powerful mental technique uses the power of the imagination to materialise what we want in life and it is called Visualisation.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true. Leon J. Suenes

Childhood never returns!!

Today we all live very busy and stressful lives. We are busy with work, the school run, kids’ homework, extra-curricular activities, cooking, cleaning…the list is endless. But in this hustle and bustle, do we have fun with our kids? Have we forgotten to give our toddlers the horse ride on our backs, they’d been longing for? Did we not float paper boats in the puddle outside with our children? Did we have a snow ball fight with our children when it snowed last? Is something missing? In this stressful life,  we can so easily miss out on the joys of parenthood and lose out on those never to return magic moments, that on reflection will be the memories we so dearly cherish..

We say we don’t have time to play but the kids have already made the boat themselves and just want us to float it with them on our way to work. We say we don’t have time to play but they just want us to paint a smiley face whilst we are busy cooking.

Sometimes we fail to respect their wishes and sweetly tell them that we are busy, not thinking that the quality of their day could depend on that one thing. But at that moment, it may help to pause for a second and think: will this stage of their childhood ever return? Will they ask us to float a boat when they are 10? They might be making a wooden one at school for a project. Will they ask us to kneel down and become a horse when they are 8? They might become one for their younger sibling! Will they ask us to paint a smiley face with them when they are 6? By that age they would probably be painting one for a school exhibition.

Don’t miss the opportunity of that feeling of JOY you are blessed with as a parent. Respect their wishes, even the tiniest ones and they will respect yours when you’re getting late to go to work or when guests are coming and you need them to maybe help you or play on their own.

When we have less of this precious life in front of us than behind us, nobody will wish they spent more time in the office. So don’t miss a moment to make your memories! So go on, be the child you once were. Your children will be overjoyed and your soul will sing.         

To end this note, we would like to share this incredibly moving poem:

INSPIRATIONAL POEM:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Head teachers have announced plans to boycott next month's Sats tests for primary school pupils in England. For more please visit http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8635017.stm

According to a report from BBC news, Schools Secretary Ed Balls urged head teachers to "think hard before disrupting children's learning".

I don’t understand why these head teachers are ruining children’s hard work. Children in UK have been preparing for their Sats and now they will be told that the Sats are not taking place. Head teachers – have you spoken to your school children? Have you spoken to the parents of these young children? I would love to know what were they thinking in their minds when they planned to boycott NEXT MONTH’s Sats test!