Girls think they are cleverer than boys from age four, study finds

To read more please click on the link below:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2010/sep/01/girls-boys-schools-gender-gap

The above article reminds me of a quote I read it on my daughter’s t-shirt: ‘I have an ATTITUDE and I KNOW IT!’

Jessica Shepherd – education correspondent from The Guardian brings this story for us. A study has found that from the age of four, girls think they are cleverer than boys and boys just think or are encouraged to think that they will underperform.  The story also suggests that teacher should be discouraged from using                 phrases such as “silly boys” and “schoolboy pranks”. In my daughter’s school, thankfully I haven’t heard teachers using such terms but I generally hear from a group of parents whose child/children are boys and they moan about girls picking up things faster than the boys, girls performing brilliant in their results than boys...Now this is something that concerns me. We feed these terms into our minds and then back it up with research and studies which I am sure must be useful and true but to change this gender difference we must change our mindset.  Once we do this, boys will start thinking differently too...

Please comment!

THIS MONTH’S LEAD ARTICLE: BULLYING

Raise Confident, Courageous Kids – beat bullying

A quote that is very dear to us, ‘Children may not be good listeners but they are great imitators’.

We found that a staggering 60% of the children we train have experienced bullying. All parents want their children to be confident and courageous so they never experience bullying. But are children born fearless or are they made that way? Is courage something that can be nurtured?

To answer this question, it might be surprising, and a little uncomfortable, to have to look at ourselves as parents first. Are we courageous enough – do we lead by example? Have we got a history of being bullied or of being a bully? If so, have we completely moved on from this traumatic experience?

The quote at the start says it all! Any lack of self-esteem in us will convey to and affect our children. They observe our each and every action, our body language and most importantly the vibes we give off. This is why we have to be so careful that negative emotions such as anger or shows of ego do not come out in front of our children. If there have been issues in the past that are still affecting us, we must try hard not to let them spoil the present for your family or blight your children’s future.

Now let’s look at bullying in relation to children. What is bullying? Bullying is when a person is picked on repeatedly by an individual or group. The bullying could either be physical or verbal. There are several reasons which might trigger bullying. It may be because of how a person looks, talks or acts. Some children might not walk with confidence. If they are shy, this might raise the likelihood of them get picked on by children who are overpowering. Here are some tips that might help your child stand up against bullies.

Tips for children to stand up to bullying:

1. Talk to a grown-up – Encourage your child to mention it to their teacher straight away if they are bullied at school and then to discuss it with you at home. Dealing with bullying sooner rather than later will nip the abuse in the bud. Both the victim and the bully can get support quickly before the problem deepens.
2. Control your emotions – When a child is bullied verbally, they should try as far as possible not to cry or show a reaction. Bullies are cowards and will thrive on signs of weakness, taking full advantage and getting the motivation to repeat their actions. Avoid getting physical as this shows you are angry with the bully and you never know what they would do in return.
3. Walk away – Walking away or ignoring the bully is not at all cowardly, especially when allied with assertiveness shown in other ways. It sends a message to the bully that you are not bothered and they may soon stop because of the lack of reaction they are seeking.
4. Use confident body language – Ask your child to hold their head high and walk tall, look straight into the eyes of the bully and tell them to stop doing this. This will also send a message to the bully that you are not susceptible to any kind of bullying acts.
5. Confidence and assertiveness training – Contact one of the child coaches at Kidz4Mation for coaching* on Walk with Confidence and Talk with Confidence. Email bullying@kidz4mation.com and quote reference – SHAS2302 to get a 25% discount.

Is your child a bully? *Contact one of our child coaches to book a one to one session*. Email bullying@kidz4mation.com quote reference – SHAS0106 to get a 25% discount.

* Note: This is presently available in London. For rest of the world, we will come to you soon but till then please have a look at our

 Confidence Home Study Kit

STATISTICS ON BULLYING

Sonia Sharp, an expert on bullying, said in a speech for Brighton and Hove Education Authority

• 1 in 2 students experience occasional bullying during any school term
• 1 in 4 students in primary school are bullied more than once or twice at least in any term (so they are more than twice as likely to be bullied as those in secondary schools)
• 1 in 10 in secondary school are bullied more than once or twice at least in any term (some research says one third of secondary students are bullied during the course of the school year)
• 1 in 10 primary aged students are persistently and frequently bullied - possibly every day

Facts from other experts:

• Between 15 and 25 children every year commit suicide because they are being bullied (there may be more we don't know about, and many more than this attempt it because bullying has made them so unhappy.)
• More than a quarter of students get threats of violence whilst at school, and half of these threats are carried out.
• Attacks on boys accounts for 75% of these incidents.
• Around 10% of children have missed school because of the violence.
• Up to 40% of secondary school students feel that their teachers are unaware of the bullying which goes on.
• About 17% of calls to ChildLine are about bullying. For five years running it's been the most common reason people call
• More 12 year olds call ChildLine about bullying than any other age group

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

Courage is fire and bullying is smoke ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Childhood never returns!! Today we all live very busy and stressful lives. We are busy with work, the school run, kids’ homework, extra-curricular activities, cooking, cleaning…the list is endless. But in this hustle and bustle, do we have fun with our kids? Have we forgotten to give our toddlers the horse ride on our backs, they’d been longing for? Did we not float paper boats in the puddle outside with our children? Did we have a snow ball fight with our children when it snowed last? Is something missing? In this stressful life,  we can so easily miss out on the joys of parenthood and lose out on those never to return magic moments, that on reflection will be the memories we so dearly cherish.. We say we don’t have time to play but the kids have already made the boat themselves and just want us to float it with them on our way to work. We say we don’t have time to play but they just want us to paint a smiley face whilst we are busy cooking. Sometimes we fail to respect their wishes and sweetly tell them that we are busy, not thinking that the quality of their day could depend on that one thing. But at that moment, it may help to pause for a second and think: will this stage of their childhood ever return? Will they ask us to float a boat when they are 10? They might be making a wooden one at school for a project. Will they ask us to kneel down and become a horse when they are 8? They might become one for their younger sibling! Will they ask us to paint a smiley face with them when they are 6? By that age they would probably be painting one for a school exhibition. Don’t miss the opportunity of that feeling of JOY you are blessed with as a parent. Respect their wishes, even the tiniest ones and they will respect yours when you’re getting late to go to work or when guests are coming and you need them to maybe help you or play on their own. When we have less of this precious life in front of us than behind us, nobody will wish they spent more time in the office. So don’t miss a moment to make your memories! So go on, be the child you once were. Your children will be overjoyed and your soul will sing.          To end this note, we would like to share this incredibly moving poem: INSPIRATIONAL POEM: If I had my child to raise all over again, I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging. ~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

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A WORD FROM KIDZ4MATION

Golden Parenting Technique: Good Child, Bad Behaviour – why?

Helping our children grow up with good self-esteem is a very important task of parenting – some people say if we give them self-esteem the rest will follow. We all want our children to feel valued, to respect themselves and feel worthy of themselves. However, this does not mean that we approve of everything they do or say for fear of damaging their self-esteem. We sometimes worry that if we keep on nagging the child, their self-esteem will take a downturn. So is this true? The answer is, it depends. What we focus our comments on, the words we use and how we deliver them are crucial. These things determine whether the child receives corrective feedback they don’t take personally or attacked and belittled. We must remember to address the behaviour and not the child. Whatever we say to them, may it be ‘praise’ or ‘criticism’, the child may take it personally. As parents we must be aware of the labels we knowingly or otherwise attach to our child. Shyness is the classic one – when our child behaves shyly we feel vindicated in a strange way but are we aware that we may be reinforcing the problem?

Let us look at the following situations to illustrate:

Situation 1: Your child spills water on you.

L Reaction A: You may lose your temper and start shouting, “Look what you’ve done, couldn’t you hold the cup properly, you’re always spilling things. You’re so clumsy!”

J Reaction B: Try and avoid losing temper on little things, which come with the package with children, so the only impact is on your sanity. What you can do is take a deep breath and talk to them calmly, focussing on the issue: ‘We must be careful when holding the cup; I am sure next time you will hold the water properly....”

Again, over-praising our children will cause confusion and can contribute to spoiling the child, but being realistic and complimentary should help maintain a healthy self-esteem.

Situation 2: Your child does not do well in their sports match.

L Reaction A: We may think that if we praise them they will feel better. But the child knows that he has not performed well. We must not say, “You did well, it’s only a game...” This may confuse the child or make them feel wrongly over confident.

J Reaction B: We tell them, “I know you can do better and by practising more, you will be able to achieve good result in the game next time. When is your next game?”

We must also address our own self-esteem. Feeling great about ourselves will project to our children and affect their self-esteem positively. If we have a low self-esteem, we must work on it for the sake of ourselves and our child.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

Children need role models rather than critics. ~ Joseph Joubert

KIDZ4MATION NEWS

After the resounding success of the weekly programme, culminating in a graduation with lots of happy parents and children, we are busy preparing an exciting line-up for this year’s ‘Learning life-skills through Fun’ Summer Camp. Watch this space.....

Don’t miss our sibling/group discount – click here

Contact us on workshop@kidz4mation.com or call 0797 004 2632 for Harrow or 0796 0172465 for Redbridge.

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Encourage the best in them - consider encouraging them to focus on the things they do best. As parents we would know our children’s good qualities so why not focus on them to promote their self-esteem.

Give unconditional love – accept your child the way he/she is, regardless of his/her weaknesses, disabilities, temperament or difficulties.

 A lesson from a mistake – there is a quote that says, ‘you learn from your mistakes’ and we believe in this quote. Sometimes, letting children make a mistake is more beneficial than jumping in and saying, “Oh don’t worry, I’ll help you!” By doing this, you are making them dependant on you. Therefore, a lesson learnt in life is a value earned for life!

Please don’t compare – This is the worst thing a parent/carer can do to their child. For example, “Why can’t you play football like Mike?” This will hurt them at heart and will constantly remind them of their weaknesses. Let your child know that you appreciate his/her uniqueness which will help their confidence level.

Be all ears – Children often feel that parents ignore their opinions. If a child is sad to leave a friend’s house please value his feelings rather than saying, “Oh you’ll be fine once you get inside the car” No! Make him comfortable by saying that you understand he/she is sad but next time you can invite the friend over to your house. This will tell them that you value their feelings and their desires.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

"Be yourself. There is something that you can do better than any other. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that."

 “You are born original, don’t die a copy”

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