By Santa Simothy and Seema Thobhani, Kidz4Mation

On top of the regular demands of delivering the curriculum and meeting performance goals on shrinking budgets, primary schools are grappling with developing children’s social and emotional skills. 

There is a large body of research asserting that emotional intelligence is critical to children’s academic and life success. Pupils’ personal development now forms part of Ofsted’s assessment criteria.

It has been found that children with poor emotional skills struggle to make friends, have poor attention in class and have feelings of frustration. This often leads them to be hot tempered and in some cases, causes them to bully. Emotional resilience – the ability to cope with hardships and unexpected difficulties – is being increasingly prioritised.

Good emotional skills include:

• being able to control impulses
• knowing that we can’t always have what we want immediately
• being able to generate ideas and put them into action (motivate oneself)
• understanding other people’s feelings
• coping with life’s ups and downs

Here are some ways in which you can help your students become more emotionally intelligent, positive and confident.

Encourage Positive Thinking 

A positive mental attitude is one of the key aids for success. It is empowering and enabling whereas negative thinking is the opposite. Negative thoughts affect children’s feelings and as a result they may become sad, have low self-esteem or even become depressed. During tests or other challenging situations, children are more likely to succeed by thorough preparation and secondly by positive thinking: telling themselves that they have worked hard and are going to do well. Encouraging a positive mindset and the use of positive language will help each child perform to the best of their ability.

Use positive affirmations

A great way to foster a positive mindset is through positive affirmations. This means stating a future desire as if it has already been achieved. This might sound a little strange, and this is one of the best kept secrets of very successful people. For example, if a child is shy, you can ask them to write on a piece of paper, ‘I am very confident and talk to people easily’. They should then repeat the affirmations several times and at the same time also try to imagine that they ARE talking to people confidently and without fear. Daily repetition with conviction and belief should benefit the child, and they ought to develop a more positive outlook. However it depends on how much time, focus and feeling are put into the affirmations. Repeating the affirmations for a couple of minutes, and thinking negatively for the rest of the day is unlikely to achieve the desired results. Raising this with the child’s parents is advisable so that there is a concerted effort at home and school.

To find out more on how your school can benefit from Kidz4Mation, email us on schools@kidz4mation.com

Promote healthy self-esteem

Healthy self-esteem is normally consistent with good emotional intelligence. Children with good emotional skills are more likely to have a positive self-image, which embraces:

• feeling happy
• feeling confident and secure that they fit in
• making friends easily
• playing easily within a group and by themselves
• being able to ask for help if unable to do something, without the fear of humiliation

It will vary by school, but almost all teachers will have children in their class with low self-esteem. They often feel unloved and have feelings of insecurity and inferiority. They tend to put themselves down, and tend to say things like ‘I’m not good enough to do this’, or ‘no one will want to play with me.’ These are negative affirmations, and have the effect of strengthening the weakness, whether real or perceived, and disempower the child. Ways to build self-esteem include:

• positive affirmations
• praise, especially
• promote independence and encourage children to attempt new things with the security that they won’t feel bad if they don’t succeed first time
• criticise, if anything, the choice or behaviour and not the child
• encourage a healthier self-image by helping children focus on strengths, capabilities and what they like about themselves

Encourage an “I Can” attitude

Believing that things are difficult or impossible disempowers children. Just about every child will, some more than others, say things like ’I won’t be able to do that.’ Or ‘this is too difficult for me.’  Such beliefs are damaging for children, preventing children from realising their potential and attempting things they could at least try. Try spotting “I can’t” attitudes and comments and turning them into “I can” ones. For example, “I don’t know my 5 times table” could become “I am learning my 5 times table” or “I am improving at my 5 times table”. This simple change has proven very effective in Kidz4Mation’s workshop sessions. It makes the impossible look possible, or at least worth attempting, and builds children’s confidence and self-esteem.

To find out more about Kidz4Mation’s workshop sessions for your school, email us on schools@kidz4mation.com

Foster Gratitude

Gratitude is an attitude of appreciation. Children should be encouraged to be grateful means being thankful to everyone that has brought something good to their life, or done an act of kindness to them. This could include their parents, family, teacher, friends or even a pet. There are lots of other good things that children can be grateful for, such as their home, freedom, food, shelter, games, gadgets, and more.

Gratitude dispels fear and frustration. It relieves stress and is a core quality in many successful people. Every child’s circumstances and home life is different, but there is almost always an opportunity for them to be more grateful for certain things.

Relax and calm children’s minds

On top of their natural energy and occasional hyperactivity, children often experience frustration and anxiety. Relaxation techniques can help with these, creating a sense of stillness and inner calm, conditions which are consistent with emotional intelligence. A simple relaxation technique is for children to sit down comfortably, close both eyes and slowly take in and release some deep breaths from their nose. While keeping an eye on the children, try to join in with the children. The boisterousness in the classroom can be replaced by more happy and positive environment, helping children who feel overwhelmed, angry or nervous. Some excellent schools we have visited use relaxation techniques as part of children’s daily routine, to great effect.

Conclusion

Schools where children are happy and motivated often treat children’s emotional intelligence as a priority. As well as the academic side, aspire for a culture which promotes positive thinking, uses positive affirmations and makes children self-sufficient in managing their feelings. Give children simple techniques which become positive habits to raise their well-being and help them grow into successful, happy, adults who are an asset to themselves and society.

“There are certain emotions that will kill your drive; frustration and confusion.  You can change these to a positive force.  Frustration means you are on the verge of a breakthrough.  Confusion can mean you are about to learn something.  Expect the breakthrough and expect to learn.”  – Kathleen Spike, Master Certified Coach

About the authors:

Santa Simothy and Seema Thobhani are child confidence experts and co-founders of Kidz4Mation, which specialises in promoting attainment and achievement by boosting children’s confidence.

Santa and Seema can be contacted directly at santa@kidz4mation.com and seema@kidz4mation.com

Kidz4mation offers free activities and resources for teachers to help them boost children’s confidence, deal with bullying, overcome shyness and more.

Essex beauty parlour for toddlers under fire for 'sexualising' children

http://tgr.ph/lmBaIV

Absolutely ridiculous!

How can one take a child's childhood away? Treatments such as manicures, pedicures and make-overs are given to children as young as one in this salon. 

Will we hear something similar to this from a girl growing up around that beauty parlour?

"I don't want to learn to paint; I want my nails painted, 

I don't want to learn how to draw; I want my fingers massaged,

I don't want to learn to write; I want my hands pampered,

I don't want to play 'It'; I want my feet pampered..."

I hope parents and families living in the area takes some action... 

Helping a child who's a victim of bullying is absolutely essential but above that I think helping a 'Bully' is important too. By supporting the victim we are getting rid of his/her fear and helping them overcome bullying but the bullying won't stop until the bully is helped and supported.

A bully might be a bully for several reasons. We know they are the ones who thrive for attention and which is why they are raising fears amongst the most vulnerable children. 

I want to raise awareness in schools whereby I want to coach the bully through positive thinking and relaxation. Are you with me?

Parents who consciously and pro-actively help their child to develop emotionally and build life skills such as trust, confidence, self-esteem, positivity and empathy alongside their education and technical skills may in doing so be reserving a seat at the top table in life for their child. But nurturing one’s offspring in this way puts the spotlight on parents. “Until I became a parent, I never knew I had the capacity to love so much.” This comment reflects the new emotional frontiers we cross when we bring a child into the world. Parenting is, for most, a cocktail of joy, laughter, fun…and chaos and high stress levels. Thrown in for good measure is a dash of nostalgia, with the opportunity to revisit moments from one’s own childhood. Demands and challenges typically come in good measure.

The skills and qualities required for parenting involve pushing out boundaries of heart and mind beyond what we needed to stumble through life thus far. A sense of security promotes positive child development. A child feels secure when their parent understands their feelings through the connection of love which in turn establishes trust in the child’s mind. The child becomes more comfortable and is open to express his feelings in times of discomfort. Consequently, the child uses those lessons as a basis of reference to build relationship with others. But how often do you feel that you really want to enrich the life of your child with the right nutrition and skills but feel you lack the internal resources to do so? Or maybe you feel overpowered by the certain demands or attitude of your child?

The following tips could be useful to make parenting easier:

Availability - Gift of time is biggest gift parents can give a child because a child wants time and love not money from their parents.

Acceptance - This requires great courage from parents but accepting the children as they are can help you, as parents, in keeping them happy.

Appreciation – This is something that everyone craves for. All human beings want approval. It is very important for you as a parent to appreciate children publicly and criticise privately. Children often misbehave because they want attention from their parents.

Some things to think about…

·         Appreciate their good behaviour and apprehend their bad behaviour!

·         Children learns what they live, so be a role model.

·         Be caring parents, not scaring parents.

·         Marks are not the criteria of intelligence of the child.

·         Pressure creates resistance.

·         Each child is unique and is born with some special talents. The duty of parent is to provide the infrastructure to child for time planning, setting goals, read books and help them bring up their talents.

Inspirational Quote:

To control the mind of your child, enter their heart by being friendly.

Low self esteem and self confidence will affect all of us at one point in our lives. But what can you do when it becomes a part of everyday life? It is important to try and conquer these feelings as they can not only affect you; they can affect your family, friends and especially your children.

The first step is to understand what low self confidence and self esteem is, then you can begin to understand what causes you to feel this way.

Low Self Confidence – Self confidence is part of your psychology, the way you think. Its all about your confidence levels. Self confidence is normally made up of factors such as social confidence, physical presence, stage presence and status. Those with high self confidence believe they have these qualities, and those with low self confidence think they lack these qualities.

Low Self Esteem – Self esteem is often explained as how someone '”estimates” themselves. Normally they find it difficult to positively answer questions such as “Do I like myself?” or “Do I deserve to be happy?”  Most people will experience some level of low self esteem at some point in their life, when they lose a job for example but they normally have high self esteem at other points in their life. Those who struggle to recover from a low self esteem point, and constantly think about themselves in a negative way, may be suffering from chronic low self esteem.

Children often mirror their parents’ personalities, so if you think you are experiencing low self confidence, low self esteem or both, it is important for you to get some positive help and guidance. You will not only be setting a good example for your children, by acknowledging the need for help, you will also learn ways to support them should they have these feelings too.

There are lots of ways to improve self esteem and confidence, one method which is growing in popularity is the use of hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy works by accessing your sub conscious mind (ideas desires, decisions and wishes we have without realising). By communicating with your sub conscious a professional hypnotherapist can make positive and beneficial suggestions to help you achieve change. Hypnotherapy for low self esteem works by helping you realise the root cause of your esteem issues and uses suggestions to create positive thoughts. Hypnotherapy for low self confidence works in the same way, helping you realise the cause of your confidence issues and helping you overcome them with positive suggestion. You can find a hypnotherapist dealing with low self esteem and self confidence by using Hypnotherapy Directory http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/

Of course there are lots of great tips and hints on how to start conquering your feelings on your own, if your children have been affected by low self esteem or confidence it may be useful to do it as a family.

1)      Start a thought diary. Make a note of how you feel throughout the day, this may help you realise what triggers your feelings.

2)      Exploring memories may help, it might help you realise how these memories and experiences effect you now.

3)      Start a therapeutic hobby such as painting or creative writing, it can help you relax and give you a sense of achievement.

4)      Music has also proved useful for some as it is thought to increase your self esteem and give you a sense of empowerment.

5)      Taking care of your physical health by exercising can help reduce stress levels and increase self esteem too.

Jen Froggatt
Hypnotherapy Directory
http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk